Matt Gutman can tell you the precise moment when his life was upended. Reporting live on a huge story in January 2020, he found himself in the throes of an on-air panic attack—and not for the first time. The truth is that Gutman had been enduring panic attacks in secret for twenty years: soul-bruising episodes that left his vision constricted, his body damp, his nerves shot. Despite the challenges, he had carved out a formidable career, reporting from war zones and natural disasters before millions of viewers on Good Morning America, World News Tonight, and 20/20. His nerves typically “punched through” to TV audiences, making his appearances kinetic and often unforgettable.
But his January 2020 broadcast was unusual for all the wrong reasons. Mid-panic, Gutman misstated the facts of a story, a blunder that led to a monthlong suspension, not to mention public shame and personal regret.
It was a reckoning. Gutman’s panic attacks had become too much for him to bear in secret. He needed help.
So begins a personal journey into the science and treatment of panic attacks. Gutman would talk to the world’s foremost scholars on panic and anxiety, who showed him that his mind wasn’t broken; it’s our perception of panic that needs recalibration. He would consult therapists and shamans, trying everything from group treatment and cognitive behavioral therapy to ayahuasca and psilocybin. And he would take a hard look at the trauma reverberating inside him—from his childhood, but also from his years as a conflict reporter.
Unsparing, perceptive, and often funny, this is the story of a panic sufferer who took on the monster within. Filled with wisdom and actionable insights, it’s at once an inspirational journey and a road map—if not toward a singular cure, then to something even more worthy: peace of mind.
